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When I was about ten, my sister's boyfriend bought her a puppy from the pound.
She was the cutest little black and brown mutt I'd ever seen in my life.
The problem was, she did not like my sister. Or Aileen's boyfriend. In fact, she didn't like anybody. Except for me.
I was the only person she would allow to get close enough to touch and pet her. She would take treats from my hand, but for anyone else she would just hide.
She lived outside back then and I spent every minute I could spare out with her, petting her, cuddling her, playing with her, running through the woods, and sometimes just sitting on the grass with her while I read a book.
Soon she became less shy and more playful. But only with me. She still wouldn't let anyone else near except occasionally for my little sister who at 5, I guess didn't seem very intimidating.
Eventually, Aileen gave up on trying to get Essie to like her and told me that she should just be *my* dog instead.
Brian got Aileen another puppy, a pure-blooded boxer, Gallahad. He lived in the house and slobbered affection on his "mommy" and "daddy" all the time.
When Essie was about two years old, she ran away. But she didn't run far. I would still see her every month or two when I was out in the woods, she would be close enough that I could see her, but she wouldn't come close enough for me to catch her. She treated it like a game, when I fell too far behind, she would stop and wait for me to get closer, then take off again.
Then one day, a year or so after Essie ran away, I caught her. She must have let me because there no other way it could have happened. I chained her back up outside, but she was used to her freedom and every time I came to see her and play with her, she sulked.
So I got permission to let her live in the house. Before Gallahad, 'no dogs in the house' had been one of mom's rules, but since it was already broken for him, she couldn't really justify denying Essie.
The first time I brought her into the house she was confused and terrified. When she realized she couldn't get right back out, she took off and hid somewhere for several hours.
She explored, got to know the house, got used to other people being around though she still avoided them like the plague, and began to realize that this housedog deal was actually a pretty cushy jig.
This was helped along by the fact that while the yard was fenced so that Gallahad could come and go as he pleased without being able to get into the road, Essie never had any problem getting under/over/around that to go anywhere she wanted. So she still had her freedom, but now she had a warm bed to come home to and sleep.
As the years passed, she mellowed somewhat towards other people and would let other people pet her, but only when she felt like it, and I was still her favorite.
She's been lonely since I went to college, but she's never seemed to hold it against me.
She's had some health problems as she got older, but overall she was still a happy, healthy dog.
I knew this was a day I would eventually have to deal with but I didn't expect it to be so soon.
Apparently at some time late last night or very early this morning, Essie was hit by a car and she died.
I'd love to be able to insist that I'm okay or at least going to be okay, but I don't think the reality has quite sunk in yet, so I don't think I can really tell if I am or not.
I'm trying not to go all maudlin on my f-list, but I can't be flip about this like I am about so many other things, and I don't really have a lot of varied ways of dealing with things. As most of my friends probably know, I don't tend to get worked up about much of anything, pretty much ever. I insulate myself from the world a lot, and while that may not be a perfect coping method, for the most part it works for me. But I don't think that's really going to work here.
Essie wasn't just my dog. She was my friend, for a long time my *best* friend, and she was a member of my family.
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From:
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I wish we were all back so I could hug you, and act like a retard to try and get you to smile. I'm really sorry.. Ne, email me your number so I can call and try and talk to you and cheer you up, if I can? If there is absolutely anything at all that I can do, I will help.
Love you, oh other girlfriend..^.~
~cuddles~
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I'll send my #'s tonight.
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<3 you, and I'll be back to give you proper comfort soon, I promise..
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~hugs~
Rita
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From:
Essie